Yes, I want you to take this seriously – OVERTHINKING is not a trivial issue…
BUT not JUST in a bad way, see Emotional Overthinking is one of the BEST problems to have, one of the biggest HOOKS out there for the gifted, that is easy to ‘catch’ yourself doing, and hence remind yourself that you are both GIFTED and that you need to develop that GIFT to STOP Overthinking, as it stops the waste of what you actually NEED to develop. See, for the Gifted its either Emotional Development OR Emotional Overthinking… they are mutually exclusive, you ‘have’ to do one or the other…
Cute eh? so that is your first reward for starting a post which such a challenging title. More to come, if you keep reading. We have put this one off till after the 7th Secret but know on the Left-Hand path you kinda have to know it – promise we are not going to kick this one to death, as everyone ‘fears’ it, so we are going to give you just enough to get you on the ‘path’…
See Emotional Overthinking is so useful in terms of development we LOVE it here on the Left-Hand path, as it is both A MAJOR SIGN AND A GATEWAY that this stuff is for you, so we always pay attention to those who ‘suffer’ from it. It is partnered with the other classic hedonistic problem that is a fundamental part of understanding our 4th Way once you are passed the start – ‘Weakness of Will’, in ancient Greek ἀκρασία – ‘Akrasia’, which we will do in a separate post as a matched pair with this one. This is at the very heart of the system, because it leads to the big daddy Goal of them all which is ἐγκράτεια – ‘Enkrateia’ – literally POWER OVER YOURSELF, strictly speaking all the other bits that ‘make you up’. Yep, it is not important for progression BUT do remind yourself we did not make this up in the pub one cold winters night, Socrates used that word almost 2500 years ago, but we always do Overthinking first, as a foundation, so you can start to get ‘why you are, the way to are’ – the one leads to the other, they are intimately related.
So this is the way you are… Unschooled Overthinking DESTROYS the potential of unschooled gifted folks over time, aging them slowly at first, before that leakage grows and grows, draining their mind state later. It’s a form of ‘bleeding out’, spiritually speaking, much as you may prefer the Zen version, that its a form on ‘Incontinence’, you are literally pissing yourself away. So you actually fade away, you ‘forget yourself’ more and more, and you know it… but you can’t stop it as Overthinking is pervasive, it’s habitual like a simple drug, so the more you do it, the more you want to do it, so you ‘drown’ in the process of thinking, slowly but surely, you go under, starting with what is best referred to as losing your ‘perspective’…
Nope, I’m not being dramatic for effect… overthinking eventually drives you ‘mad’ as you end up doing MAD SHIT BECAUSE OF IT. See Overthinking is not just about the thoughts, it is about HIGHLY EMOTIONAL rather than just instinctive thoughts that are both overwhelmingly compelling BUT total bollocks at the same time. The pointless, endless circular ideas about useless crap, about nothing, about dead ends and petty justifications, about shit from the past, shit you imagined, shit on the internet, shit on the news, shit on your chat group, shit that DOES NOT MATTER TO YOU. And it’s all FAKE, all that ‘need’ to think it, to be compelled to think, to be unable to stop… but you can’t see it, your clarity of mind, your ability to ‘see’ through it, and particularly your decision-making ability goes to shit. You become more and more flakey, fragile, needy, unstable, blown from one dramatic little mood swing to another one by the emotional ‘weather’ in your dark little mind.
Yep, I know you REALLY want all this shit ‘you have thought’ to be true, to be right, to DEFEND IT, but sadly no matter how compelling and ’emotional’, HOW AUTHENTIC those thoughts appear to ‘be’ to your simple little ANIMAL self, at this moment or that one, please KNOW for certain it’s NOT TRUE… BECAUSE THAT’S NOT THE REAL ‘YOU’. All that ’emotional weight’ of all those little thoughts is little more than an ‘instinct’, massively amplified by the misused power of your gift, you are being fooled – those thoughts don’t matter, they don’t even really exist, BUT THE ‘EMOTIONAL WEATHER’ DOES MATTER, BECAUSE YOU NEED THAT EMOTION, YET YOU WASTE IT ON CRAP. See in reality that emotion is totally separate from the thoughts, the thoughts are just whatever the fuck is at the front of your mind in this moment or that one, BUT the Emotion, that latent spiritual power DOES NOT CARE ABOUT THAT, it is there anyway at a purely animal level, and it wants to be used…
So get this right at the start – OVERTHINKING is the VERY DEFINITION of your current ANIMAL Level Of Consciousness VS your Gift, you do it to the degree defined by the ‘strength’ of your Gift, as a ‘power’ that acts ‘on’ you. Overthinking is what it actually MEANS TO BE ‘STUCK’ AS AN ANIMAL. See, the definition of this animal level is that you ‘have’ to identify, assess, grade and value everything you see, hear, smell, think in order to fight through another fucking day, because you are stuck at that level of consciousness – those animal thoughts are driven by simple INSTINCT, which is largely biological. And guess what? For a wild animal that is fine, that is what ANIMALS literally need to BE to ‘live’. BUT you are not an animal are you? You are gifted so your instincts are taken over by high levels of COMPELLING EMOTION, WHICH CORRUPTS THE WHOLE PROCESS, DRIVING YOU TO OVERTHINK, JUST because you are gifted. Normal folks at an animal level simply don’t have the power you need to do it, BECAUSE THEY DON’T HAVE POWERFUL ‘CONSCIENCE’ LEVEL EMOTIONS.
So, you are reading this so I’m going to assume you are unschooled gifted, looking for a way out of this tedious little personal hell, are you not. So know this – Overthinking at a compelling, frantic and emotional level IS A SIGNATURE PROBLEM FOR HIGHLY GIFTED WOMEN. In fact I’ve never seen a highly gifted but totally unschooled female who DID NOT OVERTHINK TO SOME LARGE DEGREE USING THEIR CONSCIENCE EMOTIONS. Don’t be shocked if you have this, be (kinda) pleased, at least that you understand it now – a lovely way to think of this is that Overthinking is really your gift ‘crying out for help’, in largely the same way as that multi-level ringing in your ears that many other types of gifted get. Actual animals have no gift so there is no dramatic emotional amplification of simple things THAT KEEPS THEM FRONT OF MIND AFTER THE CAUSE HAS GONE, there is no depth at all, everything is simple and 2D to them, they can move on with a ‘coke and a smile’ – animals don’t have a conscience, that is the definition of them.
Hang on a second, matey, you snort, ‘I don’t over-think’, that’s for ‘chicks’, I learned long ago to REPRESS my negative and pointless thoughts, to put them out of my mind by turning down the volume on ’em, usually distracting myself with something else to think about. You set a model for yourself, usually some ‘macho’ male type (even if you are one of those ‘Alpha Chick’ type females) where you ‘decided’ what you did NOT want to think about BECAUSE IT WAS TOO BAD, TOO SCARY. So, BAD NEWS then – repressing emotional thoughts that don’t suit you, particularly at a young age, DOES NOT remove them, they just go underground and get more and more powerful because you DON’T ‘hear’ them anymore… It’s actually way worse that way – YOU ARE ACTUALLY DOUBLE FUCKED BY REPRESSION, YOU SHOULD ACTUALLY FEEL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY. You repressed types REALLY NEED to deal with this, particularly if you have that multi-layered ringing in your ears, that new agers say is your angels trying to talk to you, cause that is actually quite bad. You need to understand AND find a way to deal with this as a PRIORITY…
So here it is, the way to understand this, as part of the sequence, the process of your development… See, if you are unschooled gifted living like an animal, a fool, you will usually fall one of the 2 main traps – you will OVERTHINK via identifying OR you will become progressively unaware of your emotional thoughts by REPRESSING them, you become a victim of YOURSELF. Some even have both, much as that tends to end badly… but most can go through their whole life with one or the other, putting up with it, while it uses you up, often becoming a vehicle for other problems with big parasites, an excuse for more hedonism even, usually of increasingly darker varieties. Yet it is quite simple to understand it when you know and understand it you MUST if you are going to get anywhere fast…
To be clear – this post is to MOTIVATE YOU NOW, get you to start the ‘process of starting’, so its actually quite simple – I’m going to show you what a mess you are, and why that mess is ‘killing you softly’. BUT I’M GOING TO DO IT VERY QUICKLY. Yep.. know I am going to kick through this fast – we all understand just how much many 4th ways FAIL completely (even Soto Zen, mainstream Buddhism et al) because they focus too much on this, almost kick it to death, which has turned this topic into the MOST WOO WOO, the worthiest load of indigestible pop psychology of the new age movement, so worthy its frankly sickening. Not here mate, no, we get it, so no 15-20,000 words this time, barely 8000, as these are simple points, mostly repeated from other posts, combined in a way you need to understand this issue for motivation, so you wanna actually start. See too much ‘truth’ is almost as bad as too little in this case, so know the description of what CONSCIENCE emotions are will be done next time, it’s just too huge a topic, right now we have to go with ‘if you know, you know’, but if you don’t then you don’t have them, so for now just know that these things are not instincts, they are not fear, worry, desire, they are way more powerful, hence the havoc they cause…
Yeah… we ‘know you’ because we ‘are you’, so we are only going to tell you just enough so you understand, as a full workup of this topic is too much, even for us. So, Buckle Up baby, this won’t take long…
Awful Truth – right now your thoughts just happen BY ACCIDENT and are then amplified by other forces inside you, those thoughts just ‘occur to you’, they are a form of free-form jazz, based on a collection of ‘burnt on’ patterns of experience THAT TRIGGER AUTOMATICALLY – YOU DON’T DECIDE, THEY DO. Yep, these patterns ‘decide’ what is happening and over time act as, even become separate ‘personalities’, multiple ones, obsessive, self-serving little bitches, arguing amongst themselves every second of every day, that come and go from the stage set of your mind every moment, some more complex and more powerful than others, telling you what they like, what they don’t like, what they want, often totally at odds with what you just decided, or more correctly remembered you ‘do’ in this circumstance. Yep, you are continually using your past to decide your future, which is REALLY BLOODY STUPID, because you identify with it, out of pure mental laziness, you are OVERPOWERED BY YOUR GIFT AMPLIFYING THESE POINTLESS THOUGHTS. It’s a trap, a simple negative feedback loop that is designed to keep you stuck at the level you are, and progressively eat you up, indeed slowly but surely take even your ability to escape it.
Understand – currently, you are a set of memorized patterns of behavior that act as an Auto-Pilot, you are a passenger in your own life – YOU ARE NOT BEING AUTHENTIC IN FOLLOWING THEM, YOU ARE BEING FUCKING STUPID, YOU ARE DAMNING YOURSELF. Yep, no matter how simple it seems when you know its there, its a VERY effective trap, it’s 100% successful and without the power of Catharsis there would literally be no way out, but WITH Catharsis the way out is both straightforward and easy, obvious even. But you must get it first, you must see this nasty little con job IN YOURSELF… and that is what this post is about… so ‘you’ must value these problems CORRECTLY, you must see them for what they are in YOURSELF…
Most importantly NOW, you need to get Overthinking… you need to understand what it has done to you, that NOTHING GOOD EVER COMES FROM IT. Get that it has made you obsessional, made you delusional, maybe even a PARASITE… You are on the edge because of overthinking, because of the need to be clever that overthinking does to you, making you so, SO vulnerable. Yep… your whole life hangs in the balance because of all the stupid shit you have done because of overthinking… And it’s so predictable, its not even interesting, all this low-quality b/s, not even new, not even original… You have become a stereotype of your ‘class’, one more little fallen star… Don’t you want to leave all that behind, leave all of those thoughts behind… Be a little better maybe? Not be quite so vulnerable to being crushed at any second..? See it for what it is, ALL CRAP, part of the delusion that Overthinking creates, if you could just see it… So read on… maybe we can help you after all… just know that this all fits together as part of the process so far, its nothing new, its not a side road, this is what happens to unschooled gifted folks, and that is why the process is designed this way – TO HELP YOU MANAGE YOUR MIND.
See managing your mind is a ‘jump’, the first and most important jump at that – YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT OR YOU CAN’T GO ANY FURTHER. One of the major things that will stop you from making that JUMP is Overthinking or the Repression of it … AND IT HAS TO GO. You must put a process in place to both work on your problems AND start to develop your gift, the PROCESS OF DEPUTY STEWARD. This process helps you to ‘SURPASS’ Overthinking, to rise above it so you can use the emotion you currently waste on it to DEVELOP, GET IT? YOU MUST DO THIS, STARTING WITH BREAKING YOUR ANIMAL STATE OF IDENTIFICATION WITH YOUR THOUGHTS AND THEN FIXING WHAT THOSE THOUGHTS HAVE ALREADY DONE TO YOU…
Yes, know after the 7th Secret all follow-on posts HAVE to be about Deputy Steward, about learning how to use your mind rather than be USED by it… what ‘trying’ really IS. And we have to get you there quickly and confidently otherwise you will fail out like another silly little Russian 4th wayer, all dazed and confused. We have to motivate you to ‘stay on the path’, the path to BEING THE BOSS OF YOURSELF, rather than one more little ‘minion’, who is forever changing their clothes and DISTRACTING THE REAL YOU WITH THEIR MINDLESS CHATTER.
But we have to set the scene for this, we have to tell you this Awful Truth as a primer, by explaining what is ‘off the path’, showing you want is happening ‘to’ your MIND right-fucking-now, FIRST. This explanation is a place to rest your ‘understanding’ ‘on’, some solid ground, to get you in the right frame of mind in relation to ‘your mind’, so you can understand how this currently works. Its a massive and complex topic, so we are going to have to simplify it in a way that works for you, in terms of getting you to come to an understanding of your current mind that works as a jumping-off point for the process of developing Deputy Steward, which we will cover in a separate post as how you ‘deal’ with this, deal with your ‘old’ self, WHILE RETAINING YOUR CURRENT SENSE OF SELF.
SO REMEMBER THIS… However trivial you currently ‘think’ your type of overthinking or repression is (and most people just think it’s part of the human condition, they are NORMAL, more or less..) these 2 problems are the main reason that GIFTED folks CAN’T DEVELOP THEMSELVES BECAUSE THESE ISSUES STOP THEM DEAD. Yep, you have to ‘remove’ them, and it’s such a big deal that many spiritual practices JUST FOCUS ON THIS (like Zen…), they make it the point of everything, even though it is really just the start, BUT ON OUR PATH THIS IS WHAT DEPUTY STEWARD IS FOR. Remember these natural mechanisms are ONLY NORMAL FOR ANIMALS, YOU ARE NOT AN ANIMAL, YOU ARE AN ARISTOCRAT, you don’t need them, you NEED to rise above them… DEPUTY STEWARD IS EVERYTHING NOW, without it this is all just an intellectual exercise, and without it an exercise you will start to hate, and start to disbelieve because you won’t be able to do it! And that will be the end of the journey you started long ago, with your ‘Gifted’ Cathartic Hedonism, with your lifestyle choices… Shame eh?
Now, before we start, for all of you who don’t know me personally, I’d be Zen as a FUCK, and I mean in the original old school sense of it, rather than the watered-down, philosophical, Soto Zen bollocks you read in the West. I mean the OG, Bodhi-dharma (Damo), the 1st Patriarch (literally the daddy) of Zen (Chan Buddhism), the focus on the Laṅkāvatāra Sūtra, the Bloodstream sermon, Rinzai Warrior Zen, because I know the goal of all Zen process is exactly what he said it was -‘to see into your own nature’ rather than the fluffy crap of Western ‘Enlightenment’. This means to see the ongoing fucked up mess that IS you, SO YOU ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING IN YOUR MIND, to see both your Essence and the Rest of it, how you work. To be a Buddha is the stated point, which actually means to use your Spiritual BEING to live, instead of just your animal self, rise above and ‘RIDE’ on your ‘old’ animal self like a Knight Templar, which you achieve in Zen terms by ‘crossing over to the other shore of yourself’ and seeing the old you, back there, for what ‘it’ is.
Clearly, you have to grow and evolve, BUT what that actually means in REAL terms, the actual point is to use this process to ‘raise your level of consciousness’ above the animal level of ‘constant identification with everything’, just enough that you can actually see into your own nature – it is a ‘level’ test so you know you have done it and then this realization of ‘what you actually are’ contains the instructions for the rest of it. Hits hard when you do it, trust me, but worth every penny, and it’s a HELL of a lot more effective as a goal than just ‘raising your level’ to do… well nothing… Enlightenment anyone? Yeah – what the hell is that again? Bueller… Bueller…? Yep, all this ‘look within’ stuff is for a bloody good reason – YOU MUST KNOW THYSELF, otherwise all spiritual development is just another fantasy, and you act it out like some frustrated little Daoist doing Qi Qong, pretending you can feel it, while never actually SEEING IT.
But teaching the Zen version of this requires A LOT of knowledge of Estorieric Buddhism, of what the multi-layered medieval Indian terms mean, what ‘Self’ and ‘Other’ actually refer to, and well, we simply don’t have time for you to get that. See Prince Shakyamuni was a very wordy man, who spoke in a very complex and Royal way (amazing how quickly Westerners forget Buddha was Royalty and think he was a peasant…), he did not make this easy, and frankly without folks like Damo his tantric message, his Esoteric teaching to the gifted would be just as lost as Yeshua’s is now. So this will be one of those (promised) times when I use one of the few decent bits of the P.D. Ouspensky’s 4th Way, use his terms and concepts, should you be aware of them, much as I have given them a technical meaning that you may not share, even if you are Gurdjieff’s biggest fan…
So yes, easier for the Russians this one, but pay attention all the same, because I am going to be precise, be correct and I’m going to explain this in terms of the sequence and priority of a process, something that P.D.s wife never really attempted in ‘her’ lecture notes of ‘the 4th way’ BUT it will still help if you have managed to wade through it a couple of times, as we are going to use the multiple personality model, rather than the Zen ‘mind of no mind’ stuff. Be very grateful for that, but know that there will be no reference to Gurdjieff’s fabled ‘you are all asleep and need to wake up!’ mantra, as I loathe it as a teaching model – we use the Zen approach of levels of ‘consciousness’ and ‘attachment’ to constant, emotional ‘distraction’ because of your low animal level, but feel free to imagine ‘Growing a Soul’ if that helps…
So here we go – the simple version…
Please pay attention to this, as just seeing through your mind, just knowing this Truth has changed many unhappy people’s lives – the focus of this post is to tell what is ‘behind’ Overthinking and Repression, so you understand the cause, rather than just thrash about as you live in the effect of that cause. YOU MUST GET THE CAUSE, then all this shit will actually start to go away by itself…
So let’s spell it out for you, so you can see it real clear: it’s a set of 3 elements that work TOGETHER to fuck you…
- You are trapped by your low level of animal consciousness, defined by your almost constant state of identification with everything you care about
- You are trapped by your contradictory personalities, defined by your scattered mindstate of multiple, contradictory thoughts
- You are trapped by the continual waste of your gift as emotion, defined as the amplification of Overthinking/Repressing ‘unwanted’ thoughts
Easy eh? But first the Bad news… These 3 elements work together, 1 leads to 2 leads to 3, everything is amplified, everything builds each elements scale and power over, OVER and O.V.E.R again – it’s like a small stream at the head of a valley that becomes a raging torrent by the time it hits the sea. It’s a mechanism, a constant feedback loop, it FEEDS ITSELF.
The Good news… You only need to stop 1. to stop the process from happening, from continuing to build. YOU MUST BREAK THE STATE OF IDENTIFICATION BY RAISING YOUR LEVEL OF CONSCIOUSNESS as the 1st step to all of this.
Ahh… more Bad news…. That sadly won’t fix what you have already done to yourself in 2., all those multiple personalities won’t just disappear by themselves, they will go on fighting and trying to fuck you.
But, more Good news…. that is what Deputy Steward is designed to do, when you set it up correctly it will start to push back against these other elements of yourself, it will start to stop your willful self-destruction by these little personalities and parasites BY CONTROLLING THEM – YOU START TO GO AGAINST YOURSELF because you can SEE IT NOW, SEE ITS NOT YOU anymore.
Hell fire… more Bad news..? Yep, even Deputy Steward can’t deal with the compelling emotional drivers in 3., everything will continue to compel you, and drive you with this trivia just because it has enough weight to break through into your mind AND TAKE YOU OVER VIA THE LEVEL OF THIS DISTRACTION.
Ahhhh, and finally… ‘THE’ Good news… that is what Catharsis does, by accepting this emotion BUT not engaging with them, not letting them drive you, which means not to be possessed by them and simply watch them and do NOTHING, by feeling them and not repressing them, they are transformed into the power you need to build Deputy Steward as a CONSCIOUS permanent part of you.
Yep – the beginning of Deputy Steward is to BECOME POSITIVELY SELF CONSCIOUS, ALL THE DAMN TIME, just so you can watch this stuff come and go, BECAUSE YOU CAN BREAK YOUR STATE OF ATTACHMENT. UNDERSTAND – WHENEVER YOU FIND YOURSELF OVERTHINKING YOU MUST USE THE SECRET OF ATTENTION TO BREAK YOUR STATE OF ATTACHMENT BY RAISING YOUR LEVEL OF CONSCIOUSNESS TO STOP IT, TO SEE IT AS NOT YOU, THEN ‘WATCH’ THAT EMOTION UNTIL IT POPS LIKE A BUBBLE AND DISAPPEARS…
Yep, we too can play at the feedback loop game – see this process, this positive feedback loop of Deputy Steward is actually ‘our’ 3 part process you will use to crush theirs, and we are better than them… Get it? Yep, some of those Left-hand path ancients from back in the day were seriously fucking clever… In fact just knowing this stuff, knowing and being confident in that knowing that you have the ‘cure’ is often enough to bring many of your currently unconscious drivers into the light of your mind, which hugely weakens them too…
Utter genius.. magical even, when you do it, and do it you must… So the rest of this post is the motivation for doing it, for starting it. Now, you don’t actually need to understand your multiple personalities, because you can’t yet – you are currently ‘in’ one of them and live that life or this one every moment, hence I never bother with it at this stage, but some do. Indeed some people try and get you to see them, via reason, try and group them together even, which virtually no one can do until you BREAK YOUR STATE OF ATTACHMENT. But you DO need to understand how that plays out in your life, how you can see it work, because that will help you build deputy steward, so we will do this for the rest of the post…
Ok so far? Great, see you need to stay with me to build this new understanding of yourself correctly, so IT IS USEFUL in a simplified way – right now you need enough information to be able to take a position, a stance in your mind that enables you to form a temporary ‘attitude’ toward yourself at will, which is what Deputy Steward starts as. YOU MUST LEARN YOU NEED TO PLAY A ROLE YOU HAVE DESIGNED AS AN EXERCISE, and impose that role OVER EVERYTHING ELSE THAT OCCURS TO YOU FOR THAT TIME. You won’t be able to do it for long, that why it is called a ‘deputy’, as other parts of yourself will still be more powerful, but if you make it attractive enough, make it enjoyable to do, it will slowly grow into your conscious life…
Be clear, you need to role-play, act as someone else ‘in your head’, secretly, and let that role be BOSS for a while – You CONSCIOUSLY INTERACT WITH THAT ROLE ALL THE TIME, AND I MEAN ASKING THAT ROLE HOW ‘TO DO’ EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO DO ANYWAY BUT IN THE STYLE OF THAT ROLE, WHILE IT’S ACTIVE. The Role is the BEGINNING OF TRYING TO BE EXTREMELY ‘SELF CONSCIOUS’ IN AN ATTRACTIVE WAY, which is the beginning of your Deputy Steward, of your Aristocratic self. How to do this will be explained in the secret of Deputy Steward, but for now and as part of help you get this Awful Truth, practice being VERY self-conscious initially by acting like you feel AMAZING, then try and listen to yourself ‘talk’ out loud, then to yourself ‘think’ inside, then start to ‘Self Talk’ back to those thoughts, as you need to be EXTREMELY SELF CONSCIOUS TO DO THAT.
Yep, at the beginning that is all (LOL) you have to do to develop Deputy Steward as the Boss of yourself, as Deputy Steward starts by just watching you in some form of compelling and glamorous ‘action’… however briefly those moments come and go at the start. But maybe you already know this, indeed it is such a natural process for the GIFTED that many of you will already take drugs to enable you to play an attractive role you have already ‘invented for yourself’, rather than take them just to disappear, to cope as animals do – you take them to be a better and more hedonistic version of yourself, as an enabler, don’t you, to help you pretend to be someone else for a while? Yep by now, you should realize just how much of the hedonism you crave is actually just a simple copy, a bad, short-term, easy but self-destructive copy of the real lifestyle you should actually be leading if YOU ARE HIGHLY GIFTED…
But no matter, at least it will help you relate to what the fuck I’m talking about, eh?
This is how you start, which I will cover in the Secret of Deputy Steward later, just know that is the reason for secrets 5 and 6, posture and attention, as they provide enough mental ‘power’ to get you started, and work by directing what little Cathartic power you already possess via the mechanism of VALORISATION which is how you direct Catharsis, which will also be explained in that secret. Clever eh, good to you are starting to see how this all hangs together as a process? No, not yet..? Ok….
I know, right now you not only don’t believe any of this, but you also have no fucking clue how to do it, so I must motivate you to learn how to do it… Yep, some of you may well be high end members of the military, the police, organized criminality, even priests, so you know the basics of playing a conscious role that is DOMINANT ALL THE TIME, because your whole fucking life depends on it. But for most of you, your current roles are half-assed, lashed together with a collection of trial and error patterns, based on what you guessed kinda works, from school, from your work, your relationships, your family – they are largely unconscious. This new role NEEDS TO BE 100% CONSCIOUS, YOU DECIDE EVERYTHING IN THE MOMENT, NOTHING IS AUTOMATIC and IT NEEDS TO BE DOMINANT, RUTHLESS. It needs to be able to take no shit from the rest of you, BECAUSE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT – yep should you be gifted your life actually depends on this function, your evolution, your success, your growth all hang in the balance of how serious you take this…
Get this? Without it you are fucked, doomed to remain trapped at your current level of consciousness, like a feckless animal, NO MATTER HOW GIFTED YOU ARE, OK? Any of that MOTIVATING ENOUGH FOR YOU SO FAR? I know, its hard to get but get it you must, and that is a big step, a step you need to be motivated to take… See, I know well, through years of doing this, the only way to motivate you is to EXPLAIN just what a fucking mess you are and just how much better your whole life will be if you can see that, and change it – TAKE BACK CONTROL.
Indeed the reason you don’t see it now is that you don’t even know YOU HAVE TO LOOK FOR IT, look for it without using your existing ‘mindstate’, without using the same crap you are trying to get rid of. See you must start doing this as nothing more than a theoretical exercise… a game, because you are just way too scattered to do it properly, SO YOU CAN’T ACTUALLY USE THE MESS IN YOUR MIND FOR THIS, YOU MUST ‘INVENT’ SOMETHING ELSE TO GET YOU STARTED. That something else can then grow and grow, that new bit of you can become ALL OF YOU, in time… A totally new and much more powerful you, if you wish.
Still not getting it? Ok – want to know how scattered and out of control your mind is? Easy try and focus on one thing you have no interest in, as a purely theoretical exercise, BEFORE other thoughts intrude. Ahhhh… you say, I can only do 5 or 6s before I know I have an errand to remind myself about, so that’s OK, I wanted to remember that, now I’ll go back to the exercise. Ahh, no I’ve forgotten something and I need to do, I’ll do that now and then go back to the exercise, that’s fine. Ok, so nothing else pressing then, great do the exercise… ahhhh but I’m really worried about this pointless thought which does not affect me and I can do nothing about, so I need to think about it BECAUSE I HAVE DECIDED TO CARE ABOUT IT, TO FANTASIZE ABOUT IT, TO THINK I SUPPORT IT, CAN USE IT TO MY PETTY ADVANTAGE…
Ahha, Ok I get it now, you say, I need to force myself to focus on this bland thing and NOT DO ANYTHING I THINK IS MOMENTARILY MORE IMPORTANT THAN IT. Ok then, you say, and you try before you (hopefully) get the point of this – you can’t can you, but yet you think you can focus on ANYTHING THAT YOU LIKE. And guess what.. you can, because some part of you WANTS TO BECAUSE THAT PART OF YOU LIKES IT, see that is why to chose to, becuase that part of you choose to. YOU CAN’T FOCUS ON ANYTHING YOU LIKE UNLESS SOME PART OF LIKES IT – THEY DECIDE, YOU DON’T But not for long eh… because that part will bridge across to something even more ‘interesting’, where another part of you then goes hang on baby, what about this sexy, scary, profitable, worrying thing over here…
And you are gone again…
And on it goes, because you don’t care, you say, its a stupid exercise. Really? You don’t care about yourself, about being a weak ass little slave, with zero strength of character? If I told you to focus on 1 boring thing for 30s and motivated you by putting 100,000 quid in twenties down on the table, which is yours if you can do it, you would fail EVEN QUICKER, BECAUSE YOU WOULD TRY WITH YOUR EXISTING SCATTERED MINDSTATE. You are just fucking doomed… because you are badly scattered AT THE START, you simply can’t maintain your attention, even partially, on something you don’t care about for even 10s – BECAUSE YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT IT. You are an over-excited dog in a park, running around checking everything out to see if it might be fun to ‘do’… You are nothing, worse you are what you are thinking about it ALL THE TIME, whatever that little thought is, was or maybe.
YOU CHASE THESE OVERTHINKING THOUGHTS IN YOUR MIND BECAUSE ONE OF YOUR LITTLE ‘YOU’S ‘CARES’ ABOUT THEM, which is another simple way to say you are ‘attached’ to them, you even ‘identify’ with them as coming from ‘you’. Bad news.. they don’t – THERE IS NO YOU AS A SINGLE ‘I’, you are made up of a WHOLE BIG MESS OF CRAP YOU ARE NOT AWARE OF.
Honestly, have you never wondered why you are so flakey and changeable before, why you don’t even have one version of yourself you can rely on? Well I’m going to show you why… Yep, you don’t really exist in yourself, in isolation, you only exist in terms of what you think about, THOSE THOUGHTS ARE YOU, triggered by what you see or have seen, by what you think or have thought. That is all you are… your mind is a big skip of ‘trash’, most of which you don’t even consciously remember. DUMB ASS LITTLE YOU NEEDS THOSE THOUGHTS, they are the oxygen of your Ego, your sense of self in the moment of being this person or that one…
See everything is more important that the bland exercise of focusing on one meaningless thing, that is the point. Your mind is a TOTAL FUCKING MESS, BUT NOT BECAUSE THOSE THOUGHTS OCCUR, IT BECAUSE YOU ENTERTAIN THEM, YOU LIKE THEM, THEY ARE MORE INTERESTING THAN THE EXERCISE. See the actual trick to controlling your thoughts is to let every single one of them occur and just laugh at them, because you DON’T CARE ABOUT ANY OFF THEM WHEN YOU PUT YOURSELF IN A SET MINDSTATE, the mindstate of Deputy Steward, the beginning of the real you, JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE DECIDED TO, DECIDED TO TEST YOUR ‘METAL’, YOUR STRENGTH OF CHARACTER.
When the test is over you can go right back to thinking like an fucking animal, like a dog chasing every kind crap, happy as a clam in some sunny park somewhere. BUT, you need to teach yourself how to find that mind state and use it, when you are (initially) strong enough, and later anytime at WILL.
So that is it for this, short and sweet, lots of info plus a few suggestions…
Hope it helped some of you, but do have a go at the self-conscious thing, its the beginning of a whole other level of consciousness, about understanding what it actually means to be an animal, how dangerous and random being an animal actually is for the gifted… Should you succeed you may even be a little shocked, which is the best motivation ever…
I wish you good luck with it, BUT given you have got this far I will help you get this in one final and hopefully ‘Killer’ way, one final reward for reading this – all gifted Hedonists chase Catharsis after their own little fashion, the definition of hedonism in the gifted sense, that you live for the thrill, ‘everything that kills me makes me feel alive’ kinda vibe. All animals just chase Power Over Others, the fake and ultimately tedious need to control – because they don’t experience Catharsis, they have to fake the ‘after effect’ of it another way. Now the issue with chasing Catharsis when you don’t understand your multi-personalities and the mechanism of Emotional Overthinking is that it is incredibly unreliable, so you start to ‘approximate’, guess at it – if you just do this type of thing, in this familiar way then maybe it will deliver a cathartic ‘thrill’ for its own sake. So you start to look for what is ‘before’ Catharsis, in the way Catharsis occurs as a process, the ‘Sense Of Connection’, that you have learned is required to make it ‘work for you’. And that whole distorted process fucks you.. because that sense of connection you think you feel is just ‘projected’ by whatever little personality is in charge of you at this moment onto anything ‘it likes’, historically. And ‘it’ is usually wrong, not just for the real you but in general, as that forced ‘liking’ is just a rough ‘approximation’ of what ‘was good’, based on the bad interpretation of very limited, half-remembered ‘clues’ of what the fuck happened last time. So you start to make mistakes particularly as you get older, because the Overthinking habit makes those projections stronger and STRONGER over time, so you get wronger, and WRONGER, to the point it actually becomes dangerous.
All unschooled gifted misuse the process of Catharsis by trying to force it at an animal level, BUT in reality, that sense of connection actually happens via connection to yourself first, which is what Deputy Steward does way better, should you ever learn how to do it. Worse, the continual disappointment you feel from failing at this forced Catharsis, causes you to ‘hide in the normal’, as we say, to invest time and effort into living x2 lives, one safe and totally boring, while the other is secret, exciting, chaotic but often totally disastrous – you go a bit schizophrenic. There is no need for any of this crass and repetitive shit, you just need to understand yourself better to stop making these mistakes… For example, an actual spiritual connection to other people is a rare and splendid thing and only happens as a ‘constant presence’ with those at or above your level, so it usually ‘feels forced on you’, in your mind. It always (in fact ONLY) happens because you (in some way you usually don’t understand) NEED IT, and can be safe in the knowledge that they need it too in a different way, by providing that Catharsis, but that is a VERY different feeling to be used by the skilled only – at the start YOU should ONLY ever engage with the Connection you feel to ‘better’ people than you. See, in many ways the emotion of Connection’ when real’ is an actual ‘promise’, so it does not matter if little ‘you’ is ready for it or not, recognize it at this moment.All real connection in this sense is between the Essence of the people involved, the real ‘you’s’, and it is highly compelling because of that – ‘your’ ego don’t get to decide it, thankfully. So you must learn how to tell the difference between the ‘forced’ (you try) and natural (it happens) sense of connection, via the mechanism of Deputy Steward, via the Gifted Aristocrat you need to be ‘you’ – everything about the ancient Aristocratic ‘character’ is literally based on this premise, that is the point of it.
I know you can’t do that yet, but as a starter for 10, know that all real connections are a struggle at the start, particularly if they hit hard – everything ‘real’ in your life is a test for the gifted, everything real requires you to change. The REAL thing tends to make you jumpy and uncomfortable ‘out of the blue’ so to speak rather than in an anticipated way, BUT everything easy is usually fake, useless shit, because it’s usually imaginary and is driven by Overthinking – you convince yourself it is what you want BEFORE YOU TEST IT, then you make the best of ‘it’, making it good ‘in your head’, no matter how shit and tedious what actually happens, ‘in reality’, is, when you realise that connection is not actually there. Always remember the old Aristocratic test, (which some gifted do intuitively) – if you doubt any ‘sense of connection’ as not being ‘personal’, of NOT being good and useful, just do nothing and keep your distance. If its fake crap from Overthinking it will pass in a few hours, a week at most, BUT if its REAL it will NOT pass, it will just get stronger, even if you fight it, so you let it happen. That way you will stop getting stuck with bucket loads of imaginary shit from trivial people in your life, that ‘you’ never actually wanted there in the first bloody place. You must stop the weight of this ‘stuckness’ slowly and steadily from turning you into a particularly tortured ‘people pleaser’ as your primary role in life, forever trying to force, even offer that ‘sense of connection’, and then resenting it when it’s not actually there. However much ‘you’ may like the positive attention at the start of that process, do try and learn to say the phrase ‘sorry, but will you just piss off’ in your head, till you are strong enough to say it out loud. It will help a lot with your sense of significance, sense of ‘consequence’, as Aristocrats say, which the lack thereof defines the way you currently think you just have to ‘get on with it’, where you don’t even ‘expect’ to have a choice. Yep… that Overthinking shit has gotta go…
Before we go, here is a pre-emptive strike on one of the oh-so-common questions you (keep) asking – wanna know why have you NEVER heard of this, why have you never heard of ‘Enkrateia’, Power Over Yourself, for example..? You have.. its just the King James Version of the Bible (and hence all modern philosophy) decided to butcher it and translate it as ‘Temperance’… yep the MOST important concept in ALL personal spirituality is reduced to ‘moderation’, the bastards. Your society just wants to keep you as a slave… so what are you going to do about it eh? Thousands of years ago Socrates’ greatest pupil, the all-round badass superhero and Spartan mercenary ‘Xenophon’ (Plato was another one of those librarian types who just ’embellished’) focused on Enkrateia as the central Virtue that ‘Powers All Others’, indeed without it all the others are just a fantasy – if you don’t ‘Know Thyself’ you are just pretending, as everyone knows. Fun fact for you.. do you not find it comforting just how many of the spiritual geniuses of the ancient world actually got by in life as Warriors, Priest-Kings who survived by fighting folks for a living, rather than Christain Holy men, tortured martyrs, peasants with visions who hear the voice of god, wandering saints begging with the poor, what our society sells us today as what being Holy actually is BECAUSE THEY HAVE SUFFERED? No? Sorry, maybe that’s just me then.
Finally… many of the very knowledgeable among you will be glad that I have towed the line, stuck to the classic 4th way cannon and NOT EXPLAINED CONSCIENCE EMOTIONS, much as touching briefly on the essential ‘Connection’ one has upset some of you – I did not really explain it, people just need to know YOU HAVE TO FEEL the ‘Connection’, otherwise everything is just some dressed up fear or self interest. Overall, they will feel this is wise, and sticking to the classic ‘if you know, you know’ approach will save a lot of people from taking detailed descriptions and just ‘imagining’ you have them because you want to, whilst still just being an animal. Others will see this as a cop-out, that I have gone against my telling secrets mission, or I lack the teaching skill to do it. You are both wrong – I have not explained conscience emotions because they are not necessary to know at this level, because it will confuse you – conscience emotions for many Hedonists grow out of Instincts and are therefore easy to confuse, with the exception of the essential Connection one, the secret within the secret of Deputy Steward, the gateway to all the others, but we leave that till then. I will do them all later, promise, but you must understand that your conscience emotions will grow to become the central communication mechanism with the supernatural and HAVE TO BE TAKEN VERY SERIOUSLY. They can’t be tacked onto this post or that one, you must understand and agree to be guided by them, separate from your petty instincts which you must overcome, and disregard. Until that division is clear to you, it is easy to believe you should be guided by what in reality are instincts, you think that is what it means to be ‘Authentic’, while still basically acting like an animal. You must be sure of your conscience emotions before you act on them, EVEN IF YOU KNOW THAT YOU ‘KNOW’, so take the Aristo approach – if in doubt wait and see, but when you know, when you have developed enough to know, years later if necessary, ACT.
See, I know many of these posts hit gifted folks differently, they like or dislike them to some degree or other depending on their own experience, their own problems, and the nature of their gift. But this one is SPECIAL, this one divides gifted folks right down the middle, Men vs Women, this one arouses strong emotion, as men just don’t believe it because most of them repress and women get upset because they consider obsessive overthinking to be a VERY private issue, they don’t want to share. Now I never shy away from writing things folks will dislike (perhaps stupidly), as long as they are true, but know ALL gifted people have a powerful view of this topic. Don’t worry about that view, as the content of that view is just one of these many little personalities acting out, so its meaningless, it just matters that you had an emotional reaction.
If you don’t have a response to this in yourself, if you don’t have conscience emotions, if you just have a ‘self-serving opinion’, if you think its B/S, a fantasy, a modern take on pop psychology, then understand this stuff is not for you, you are most likely just a reflection of your circumstance, the magic in your life, that you chase so very hard, is the magic of ‘others’. Some casual advice for you then, pop psychology 101 for kids, just in case you missed that bit of school.. when you mock and attack something that is clearly nothing to do with you, it’s because you are scared in the classic ‘you FEEL demeaned and threatened by things you don’t understand and can’t do’, it makes you feel so much less in your own mind than you thought you were, so you must get your own back, like one more little bunny in the headlights. But hey, that’s a good thing as it is the very definition of BEING AN ANIMAL, you prove your own level to yourself, so now at least you know eh? REALLY time to get another hobby I’d say, your time here has long passed…
Quote to end as always – this one is one of mine, recommended for this post by someone I said it to a VERY long time ago… They felt it best summed up the point of it, the attitude of the hedonist this stuff in written in and for, so apologies if you don’t get it, or dislike the modern social-media-cliche style of it. I would not normally take such advice, even from such a friendly old ‘enemy’ (my favorite kind of friend), I know this quote was ultimately a self-serving projection, however there is a bigger picture to consider this time so here is the sanitized version, but YOU MUST BE GIFTED TO GET THIS the way it is actually meant…
‘The reason you do drugs is that ‘you’ accept being shit, whilst knowing you could be so much better if ‘you’ just tried to get out of your ‘own’ way. That is what the crap you take actually DOES for you… in reality you don’t need drugs, you ARE drugs.’ – TOB
Laters…
TOB
